I Hate My Phone

Why sometimes I want to throw my phone into the Ocean.

I have a phone addiction problem. There’s a self-defense mechanism built in where I can rationalize it at times:

“It’s the nature of living in this era.”

“It’s necessary for your job.”

“There are a lot more people who are way worse with their phones than you.”

The truth is I am having a hard time being present. Zoomed further out, I feel like my brain is rotting. 

The issue for me isn’t so much total screen time as it is the number of pickups. I downloaded an app called Opal to help manage screen time and was shocked to see I check my phone over 100+ times in an average day.

It’s sickening. To the point where there are times I’m so defeated I feel like I need to throw my phone into the ocean.

Okay, yes I am being somewhat dramatic. But truthfully, I do feel like my relationship with my phone is affecting me in negative ways, both consciously and subconsciously.

It’s not a good thing that after working out at the gym, I check my phone when I get into my car, rather than waiting to drive 10 minutes home and get to my work desk.

It’s not a good thing that I cycle through checking Slack, Email, etc. “Just once check to make sure I’m caught up.” However, it’s never just one cycle. Sometimes, one cycle turns into 10 cycles as if my brain is searching for something to pop up that I can respond to and feel a false sense of productivity.

Realistically, I can’t throw my phone into the ocean nor is it practical for me to get rid of a smartphone. A combination of the type of job I have, family communication, and convenience keep me from doing so.

As someone with a flexible work-from-home job, the positives vastly outweigh the negatives. But there are some drawbacks, especially in my industry where there’s often a blurry line between work and play. Most notably, it can be difficult to distinguish between working and non-working hours. This issue is amplified by having access to many things on my phone. To be clear, my work environment is great, this is mostly a self-created problem. 

But relating to the false sense of productivity mentioned above, there are absolutely times I feel the need to just “check in” and make sure I’m not needed in some capacity to feel good about not checking in for the next block of time. It’s as if I need to give myself permission to be completely detached. In some ways, it makes sense. In other ways, it does not, especially when those quick check-ins end up happening frequently, defeating the whole purpose of detaching in the first place.

For my mental health as well as setting an example for my son, I need to be better. Thinking about this in light of my son brings up two points. First, I can’t even begin to imagine how riddled the brains of kids growing up in this environment will be. It’s a topic for another day, but smartphones were barely a thing for my peers when we were in college, and yet a decade and a half later many of us have a phone addiction. Secondly, the truest thing when parenting is that kids pay attention to you and mimic what you do. I don’t want to become a hypocrite telling my son one thing when it comes to screen time and phone usage when he sees me acting in a manner contrary to my words.

In the long-term, I’d love to be at a point in my life where I could legitimately detox - not just from my smartphone but generally from the lifestyle that comes with being in the fantasy industry - always sweating a contest, checking scores, reacting to news, etc. That point is not imminent or inevitable.

So what do I do?

One way I hope to solve this problem or reduce it is through better management of my notifications. Currently, I almost always have my phone set to mute everything. The idea behind this was to eliminate notifications distracting me, figuring I check my phone enough times throughout the day naturally that I won’t miss anything important.

In reality, I end up with too much FOMO throughout the day and feel the need to incessantly check my phone, whether it’s a conscious act or not.

I’m hoping to find a better middle ground where I allow the essentials to trigger a notification - communications from family, a direct tag at work - but everything else is muted - random app notifications, non-urgent work communications, spam calls, etc.

Something else I will try is blocking out a specific “no phone” time each day (where I will completely remove my phone from the room/situation I am in), and perhaps for a lengthy amount of time 1x a week. I’ve done this in the past.

For example, when we go to group dinners with friends, I’ll often leave my phone at home or locked in the car. It’s crazy how little I notice not having my phone during an extended break when I’m physically unable to check it. In stark contrast, I quickly notice it once I return to checking my phone frequently. There’s some sort of lesson on momentum here.

In addition to venting and sharing my experience, one of the major points of this post is to get feedback from anyone reading this who may have useful advice on the subject. Please don’t hesitate to share your ideas in the comments!